DUTYFREE!

[Victory]

I have a toblerone as big as a log cooling in my fridge! i got it from dutyfree in brisbane airport, it was so big that i made one of those indian porters carry it for me! when he picked it up i could have sworn i heard the poor bastards back make a pop sound! As i was walking to my taxi i saw two cops dragging a man wo was kicking and screaming " KIRSTY! YOU WILL BE MINE!" the person was a definite looney, so as he passed by me i quickly turned around and gave him a mighty boot to the testicles, the pathetic man whelped and cried as he was being pulled away"KirStY.....My Loveee...". I am sure the cops gave him a good old fashioned intterogation, the type with lubed night sticks and whipped cream. I Jumped into the cab and told the driver to head to Kedron, because it's much better than Brisbane. halfway there i looked at the meter and it read 9999999999999, the damn thing was starting to smoke!
" do you expect me to pay for that!" outraged i gave the driver wallop so powerful that it blew him right through the car door and onto the other side of the highway, where a cement truck greeted him. Luckily, the truck only broke a few ribs and major organs, as the unlucky fellow tried to get up he was impaled onto the front end of a landcruiser! I then jumped into the drivers seat and tore the roof off with my bare hands, cause i wanted a convertible. i drove, on the way there i street raced an F16 and whooped its ass solid!

This story is bsaolutely 100% true