04-03-2005, 05:37 AM
Ask me out:
1. If you let me take you to dinner, you get free food.
2. I give good back rubs.
3. I'm a good listener.
4. It's more fun than hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
5. I have no communicable diseases.
6. You might actually enjoy it.
7. I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date.
8. As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing.
9. I can usually eat spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt.
10. My shoelaces are hardly ever untied.
11. I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.
12. Cats seem to like me.
13. I give foot rubs when asked.
14. I'm really a nice person once you get to know me.
15. You've probably never gone out with a man who wears skirts.
16. I am an accomplished TV-avoider.
17. I like to fly kites.
18. I can sympathize with you about how high-heeled shoes feel.
19. I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.
20. I feel that reading a good book is an excellent way to spend time.
21. Unlike Vincent van Gogh, I would never cut off my ear for a woman.
22. I feel that a relationship can exist without sex if it needs to.
23. You'll forever wonder what you're missing if you don't date me.
24. I enjoy brushing a woman's hair.
25. I take a bath at least once a day.
26. I'm housebroken.
27. As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition.
28. I am heterosexual.
29. I have never committed a violent crime.
30. I do not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily.
31. You haven't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.
32. I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.
33. If you don't like it, I promise to give you a full refund.
34. I do my own laundry.
35. So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.
36. The voices in my head told me you would like me.
37. I do not drink and drive. (At least not alcohol. Dr. Pepper, maybe.)
38. You'll never get a collect call from me.
39. It will be a life-enriching experience.
40. There is a refreshing bsaence of monsters under my bed lately.
41. I would give up my appendix for the right woman.
42. There's no compelling reason why you shouldn't.
43. I can change a flat tire.
44. I'm smarter than the average bear.
45. I promise to spend very little of our time together staring at other women.
46. I'm getting fewer and fewer "ice-cream headaches".
47. I am trustworthy.
48. I am loyal.
49. I am helpful.
50. I am friendly.
51. I am courteous.
52. I am kind.
53. I am obedient.
54. I am cheerful.
55. I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.
56. I am thrifty.
57. I am brave.
58. I am clean.
59. I am reverent.
60. I'll supply the chocolate chip cookies.
61. I have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas.
62. I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.
63. I have never been a telemarketer.
64. I can leap tall housecats in a single bound.
65. I check the expiration date on my milk carton.
66. I usually remember to take the shell off an egg before eating it.
67. We are of opposite genders in the same species.
68. Extensive research has proven that I am, indeed, a carbon based life form.
69. I am hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'.
70. I use my seat belt.
71. I'm no worse than most other men, and maybe better than some.
72. It would make me smile.
73. I subscribe to the theory that the world is round.
74. I have a pulse.
75. I have never committed bestiality.
76. I make a concentrated effort not to spit when I talk.
77. I always drown my campfires before leaving the campsite.
78. Rarely do I take candy from strangers.
79. I keep my fingernails clean and trimmed.
80. I seldom pick up hitch-hikers.
81. I recognize Xenon as a noble gas.
82. I know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
83. I have never stopped to think and forgotten to start again.
84. I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
85. I'm cuddly.
86. Never have I failed a quest given me by a King.
87. I watch closely when stepping onto an escalator.
88. I have not yet capsized a canoe.
89. I am fully functional.
90. I have a current safety inspection on my car.
91. I try to help the sane adjust to reality.
92. I am not responsible for the misuse of gravity.
93. I practice random kindness.
94. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
95. I am understanding.
96. I'm an accomplice at sneaking snacks into movies.
97. I always make sure I have sufficient personal flotation devices aboard any pleasure boat I am using.
98. Occasionally, I have been known to have a clue.
99. I am flexible.
100. When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, I don't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
101. I am weird enough for most purposes.
102. I will never have you kidnapped.
103. Rarely do flashing lights mesmerize me for more than 10 minutes.
104. When choosing between two evils, I always try to pick the one I've never done.
105. I lift heavy objects with a straight back and my knees bent.
106. I seldom turn the volume on my stereo up sufficiently to shake the neighbors' walls.
107. I do not suffer from lockjaw (foot-in-mouth disease is another matter).
108. I will administer chocolate whenever you feel the need.
109. As far as I know, I don't snore. (At least, I've never heard myself doing so).
110. I rarely stare directly at the sun.
111. I'm willing to supply cold milk, warm backrubs, and hot baths. In other words: all temperature cheer.
112. I hated Barney before it was cool.
113. I'm the best there is at what I do.
114. I'll try anything 4 or 5 times. It may be an acquired taste.
115. I'm not really obnoxious, just tact-impaired.
116. I don't play records backwards and pretend to hear satanic messages.
117. I am smarter than a computer. I can count past 1.
118. I have an imagination, and I don't mind using it.
119. I occasionally stumble across the truth.
120. I make my bed at least 50% of the time.
121. I don't let friends drive drunk.
122. I only *look* innocent.
123. When I jump into the air, I always remember to come down again.
124. I'm nobody's fool. If you would like me to be yours, just say so.
125. I am new and improved.
126. I have never exceeded the speed limit by more than 4 times.
127. I'll respect you in the morning.
128. I am a recovering celibate.
129. I Endeavour to eschew obfuscation when feasible.
130. I rarely black out for more than a few seconds
131. I can go from 0 to amorous in 3.2 seconds.
132. I usually remember to wear shoes.
133. I have very little trouble remembering where I live.
134. Some people have children to buy toys. I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself.
135. I yield to temptation.
136. I know the difference between a bumblebee and a honeybee.
137. I'm all-natural, no artificial colors or flavors.
138. I have never tried to out-stubborn a cat.
139. I am the culmination of millions of years of random mutations.
140. My passport is current.
141. I have never played leapfrog with a unicorn.
142. I have had all my shots.
143. I donate bodily fluids (blood, platelets, etcÂ…)
144. I'm unique.
145. My life is no more complicated than any cast member on Melrose Place.
146. I have impeccable taste in women.
147. I know the difference between a woofer, a midrange and a tweeter.
148. I'm trying to commit suicide by sexual overdose and I need your help.
149. It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord
150. I am (maybe too) open and honest in my relationships.
151. I'm user-friendly.
152. I have never pretended to be an Egyptian deity.
153. I deny reality whenever possible.
154. I always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
155. I am sensitive.
156. I am not a totally unprincipled rake.
157. I have never tried to float a Volkswagen.
158. I never put off until tomorrow what I can put off indefinitely.
159. I can often hold up my end of a conversation.
160. I have never played an accordion in public.
161. I'm available.
162. Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane.
163. I snatch kisses, and vice-versa.
164. I can usually open those pesky jar lids.
165. I am alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.
166. I'm pretty good at logic problems.
167. I own my own body, but I share.
168. I'm not afraid to cry - admittedly it's usually when I hurt myself, but I can build on that.
169. I have vanishingly few homicidal tendencies.
1. If you let me take you to dinner, you get free food.
2. I give good back rubs.
3. I'm a good listener.
4. It's more fun than hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
5. I have no communicable diseases.
6. You might actually enjoy it.
7. I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date.
8. As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing.
9. I can usually eat spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt.
10. My shoelaces are hardly ever untied.
11. I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.
12. Cats seem to like me.
13. I give foot rubs when asked.
14. I'm really a nice person once you get to know me.
15. You've probably never gone out with a man who wears skirts.
16. I am an accomplished TV-avoider.
17. I like to fly kites.
18. I can sympathize with you about how high-heeled shoes feel.
19. I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.
20. I feel that reading a good book is an excellent way to spend time.
21. Unlike Vincent van Gogh, I would never cut off my ear for a woman.
22. I feel that a relationship can exist without sex if it needs to.
23. You'll forever wonder what you're missing if you don't date me.
24. I enjoy brushing a woman's hair.
25. I take a bath at least once a day.
26. I'm housebroken.
27. As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition.
28. I am heterosexual.
29. I have never committed a violent crime.
30. I do not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily.
31. You haven't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.
32. I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.
33. If you don't like it, I promise to give you a full refund.
34. I do my own laundry.
35. So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.
36. The voices in my head told me you would like me.
37. I do not drink and drive. (At least not alcohol. Dr. Pepper, maybe.)
38. You'll never get a collect call from me.
39. It will be a life-enriching experience.
40. There is a refreshing bsaence of monsters under my bed lately.
41. I would give up my appendix for the right woman.
42. There's no compelling reason why you shouldn't.
43. I can change a flat tire.
44. I'm smarter than the average bear.
45. I promise to spend very little of our time together staring at other women.
46. I'm getting fewer and fewer "ice-cream headaches".
47. I am trustworthy.
48. I am loyal.
49. I am helpful.
50. I am friendly.
51. I am courteous.
52. I am kind.
53. I am obedient.
54. I am cheerful.
55. I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.
56. I am thrifty.
57. I am brave.
58. I am clean.
59. I am reverent.
60. I'll supply the chocolate chip cookies.
61. I have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas.
62. I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.
63. I have never been a telemarketer.
64. I can leap tall housecats in a single bound.
65. I check the expiration date on my milk carton.
66. I usually remember to take the shell off an egg before eating it.
67. We are of opposite genders in the same species.
68. Extensive research has proven that I am, indeed, a carbon based life form.
69. I am hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'.
70. I use my seat belt.
71. I'm no worse than most other men, and maybe better than some.
72. It would make me smile.
73. I subscribe to the theory that the world is round.
74. I have a pulse.
75. I have never committed bestiality.
76. I make a concentrated effort not to spit when I talk.
77. I always drown my campfires before leaving the campsite.
78. Rarely do I take candy from strangers.
79. I keep my fingernails clean and trimmed.
80. I seldom pick up hitch-hikers.
81. I recognize Xenon as a noble gas.
82. I know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
83. I have never stopped to think and forgotten to start again.
84. I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
85. I'm cuddly.
86. Never have I failed a quest given me by a King.
87. I watch closely when stepping onto an escalator.
88. I have not yet capsized a canoe.
89. I am fully functional.
90. I have a current safety inspection on my car.
91. I try to help the sane adjust to reality.
92. I am not responsible for the misuse of gravity.
93. I practice random kindness.
94. There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.
95. I am understanding.
96. I'm an accomplice at sneaking snacks into movies.
97. I always make sure I have sufficient personal flotation devices aboard any pleasure boat I am using.
98. Occasionally, I have been known to have a clue.
99. I am flexible.
100. When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, I don't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
101. I am weird enough for most purposes.
102. I will never have you kidnapped.
103. Rarely do flashing lights mesmerize me for more than 10 minutes.
104. When choosing between two evils, I always try to pick the one I've never done.
105. I lift heavy objects with a straight back and my knees bent.
106. I seldom turn the volume on my stereo up sufficiently to shake the neighbors' walls.
107. I do not suffer from lockjaw (foot-in-mouth disease is another matter).
108. I will administer chocolate whenever you feel the need.
109. As far as I know, I don't snore. (At least, I've never heard myself doing so).
110. I rarely stare directly at the sun.
111. I'm willing to supply cold milk, warm backrubs, and hot baths. In other words: all temperature cheer.
112. I hated Barney before it was cool.
113. I'm the best there is at what I do.
114. I'll try anything 4 or 5 times. It may be an acquired taste.
115. I'm not really obnoxious, just tact-impaired.
116. I don't play records backwards and pretend to hear satanic messages.
117. I am smarter than a computer. I can count past 1.
118. I have an imagination, and I don't mind using it.
119. I occasionally stumble across the truth.
120. I make my bed at least 50% of the time.
121. I don't let friends drive drunk.
122. I only *look* innocent.
123. When I jump into the air, I always remember to come down again.
124. I'm nobody's fool. If you would like me to be yours, just say so.
125. I am new and improved.
126. I have never exceeded the speed limit by more than 4 times.
127. I'll respect you in the morning.
128. I am a recovering celibate.
129. I Endeavour to eschew obfuscation when feasible.
130. I rarely black out for more than a few seconds
131. I can go from 0 to amorous in 3.2 seconds.
132. I usually remember to wear shoes.
133. I have very little trouble remembering where I live.
134. Some people have children to buy toys. I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself.
135. I yield to temptation.
136. I know the difference between a bumblebee and a honeybee.
137. I'm all-natural, no artificial colors or flavors.
138. I have never tried to out-stubborn a cat.
139. I am the culmination of millions of years of random mutations.
140. My passport is current.
141. I have never played leapfrog with a unicorn.
142. I have had all my shots.
143. I donate bodily fluids (blood, platelets, etcÂ…)
144. I'm unique.
145. My life is no more complicated than any cast member on Melrose Place.
146. I have impeccable taste in women.
147. I know the difference between a woofer, a midrange and a tweeter.
148. I'm trying to commit suicide by sexual overdose and I need your help.
149. It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord
150. I am (maybe too) open and honest in my relationships.
151. I'm user-friendly.
152. I have never pretended to be an Egyptian deity.
153. I deny reality whenever possible.
154. I always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
155. I am sensitive.
156. I am not a totally unprincipled rake.
157. I have never tried to float a Volkswagen.
158. I never put off until tomorrow what I can put off indefinitely.
159. I can often hold up my end of a conversation.
160. I have never played an accordion in public.
161. I'm available.
162. Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane.
163. I snatch kisses, and vice-versa.
164. I can usually open those pesky jar lids.
165. I am alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.
166. I'm pretty good at logic problems.
167. I own my own body, but I share.
168. I'm not afraid to cry - admittedly it's usually when I hurt myself, but I can build on that.
169. I have vanishingly few homicidal tendencies.
