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***NEWS FLASH***


ENTERTAINMENT:

* Humphrey B. Bear comes out of retirement to host talk show

* Supporting actress with kleptomania "steals the show"

* Mr. Squiggle's wife dies of lead poisoning

* The little engine famous for saying "I think I can, I think I can" diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Now says: "I think I did, I think I did"

* Fat Cat auditions for "Biggest Loser"

* Ronald McDonald launches bid to buy back father's farm

* Disturbing footage of Disney on Ice

* Inspector Rex to face corruption charges

* Family of "Wally" turn to Channel 7's "Where Are They Now" for help


POLITICS:


* Bill Heffernan makes inoffensive statement

* Mr. Speaker loses voice. Future in Parliament now uncertain


BUSINESS:


* Cigarette company execs still deny link between smoking and cancer and also dispute link between intercourse and pregnancy

* Despite drought, QLD Xmas tree grower says he has nothing to pine about

* Petrol company execs blame latest price hike on "the boogie"


SPORT:

* Anthony Mundine falls from stage during press conference in Sydney. Escapes serious injury by landing on inflated ego

* Football player gets through entire post-match interview without saying "Yeah, nah..."


MISCELLANEOUS:

* Petrol sniffers switching to cheaper substances such as cocaine

* A sloth nearing retirement age says he's just looking forward to slowing down

* Suspicious looking tooth cavity searched at airport

* Cat receives minor lacerations from scratching post

* Study reveals butterflies prefer margarine

* Impoverished cloud forced to pawn lining

* Camel steak spits at diner

* Mysterious white bear with ambiguous sexuality identified as "Bi-Polar"

* Newly recruited soldier discharged after remaining conscious during passing out parade

* The "p" in "psychology" threatens to break his silence



benbrodrick2008

Anonymous

LOL!!! Smile
Where did you get this stuff?
If you invented it you probably switched from sniffing petrol to cocaine recently! Big Grin
All my own work but i'm not sure if that's something i should publicise or not!
Keep up the good work, Ben.
We're all laughing here,